3.2.1-Quote Me: Conversations

“The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel, and misrepresentation.” – C. Northcote Parkinson

When I was a teenager, I sat in the dining room studying for my exams when all of the sudden I hear a door slammed across the hall. Several arguments took place. My brother was angry, but gave up in attempting to engage in a conversation about the problem with my parents who were at a loss as to what to do.

inside-out-anger-poster
Pixar’s Inside Out – Anger

“They had lived together for so many years that they mistook their arguments for conversation.” – Marjorie Kellogg

I recognized that there were cultural differences. My parents grew up thinking that stoicism was normal. You weren’t suppose to cry Growing up, my siblings and I had difficulty expressing anger which was the “ugly emotion”. It would get bottled up, and we had difficulty communicating what precisely was bothering us.

My family recognized me as the peacemaker. I remember going into my brother’s room and gently reopening the painful conversation. I listened to his perspective and tried to understand his feelings. I looked for a mutual purpose for our conversation.

I’ll never forget the importance of how the right conversations can help someone feel better. My parents have opened up to the idea that conversations and expressing emotions can be healthy and helpful. Some fresh air and a walk in the park surrounding ourselves in nature cleared our heads as well. πŸ™‚

walk.jpg

I would like to thank Dr. Tanya who blogs on Salted Caramel for tagging me in the prompt:Β 321 Quote Me – Conversation created by A Guy called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! Great topic by the way! Here are the rules:

Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!

Thank the Selector
Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of the Day.
Select 3 bloggers to take part in β€˜3.2.1 Quote Me!’

Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, meaning you can answer as and when.
Please Note l will be reblogging your responses unless you wish for me to NOT do so.

Coincidentally, I recently read an excellent book that was recommended to me by one of my management professors called “Crucial Conversations” written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler. There are various helpful tips that can help salvage difficult situations and have helped me in my personal life. According to the back flap, you can…

crucialcDiscover how to communicate best when it matters most:
1) Prepare for high-stakes situations with a proven technique
2) Transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue
3) Make it safe to talk about almost anything
4) Be persuasive, not abrasive

So, you may ask what makes for a crucial conversation as opposed to a casual one?
1) Opinions vary
2) Stakes are high
3) Emotions run strong

The summary at the end of chapter 1 emphasizes the importance of handling crucial conversations.

“Ironically, the more crucial the conversation, the less likely we are to handle it well. The consequences of either avoiding or fouling up crucial conversations could be severe. When we fail a crucial conversation, every aspect of our lives can be affected- from our careers, to our communities, to our relationships, to our personal health.” – Pg. 16 of Crucial Conversations

One TV character who I think is skilled in handling crucial conversations is Elizabeth McCord from Madam Secretary, a high octane show where the stakes are definitely high. In every episode, I have watched Secretary McCord adroitly maneuver her way through some very difficult conversations with individuals who will flat out disagree with her.

Sea Change
“Sea Change”– When a storm destroys a naval base in Bahrain, Elizabeth urges President Dalton to overhaul foreign spending to address climate change, which could jeopardize his re-election campaign. Also, Jose Campos (Carlos Gomez) tries to bring Henry back to the DIA fold, and the McCords worry that their family is being stalked when they realized Jason’s laptop may have been hacked, on the third season premiere of MADAM SECRETARY, Sunday, Oct. 2 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. Pictured L-R: Téa Leoni as Elizabeth McCord and Zeljko Ivanek as Russell Jackson Photo: Sarah Shatz/CBS ©2016 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved

I would not recommend binge-watching a show like this. The interactions she faces would cause heart attacks. Sometimes, it seems surreal seeing how she responds every time. (Wait, yes…this entertainment is Hollywood after all! πŸ™‚ ) I think tact is important and diplomacy comes at a very high premium when dealing with life or death situations which leads me to the quote below.

1. “Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.” –Β Marquis de Sade

Another important aspect to conversation is being receptive and actively listening to what the other person is saying.

2. “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” – Karl Menniger

Angry birds_ management
Angry Birds – attending anger management class

 

Nominees:

Sana
Chiru
Sunshine Artist

Note: You don’t have to write as much as I did here! I just enjoy a good reflection chat! Looking forward to your posts!

I hope all of you engage in healthy, meaningful conversations! ❀

conv1
Leonid Afremov – “Conversation”

26 Comments Add yours

  1. Beautifully served, my thanks for playing along πŸ™‚

    1. theresaly520 says:

      It was my pleasure! I enjoyed this topic. πŸ™‚

  2. Reblogged this on A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! and commented:
    You see there is an intrinsic art to conversing with others, and here it is managed beautifully πŸ™‚

  3. Thank you for the nomination! I quite enjoyed reading your post on communication. I can quite relate to your “peacemaker” role in your family, that was me in my family (sometimes still is). πŸ™‚

  4. Nova says:

    I absolutely LOVE that movie! It takes great maturity to engage in such conversation. Within such is the necessity to accept a difference of opinion, and for most, that’s not something they do. Great topic indeed! Great post!

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thank you! I do see what you mean! It’s incredibly difficult nowadays. I knew an attorney who once told me that it wasn’t like it was in the past where people could be civilized with one another if they were from a different political mindset. Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” I wonder if philosophical thoughts need to be reintroduced in society. I really appreciated this tag! Yes, Madam Secretary is a captivating show.

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thanks Mel! πŸ™‚ I feel like your fantastic post on conversations inspired me to reflect on my post a bit more! The post fleshed out in a way that I really enjoyed.

  5. Sana says:

    This is something I’ve just started to do, I’m trying to get my emotions out but then it’s not simple right?
    Your post further encouraged me that it is possible. And I’m definitely going to read the book you mentioned.

    Thank you so much for nomination πŸ™‚. I think this is something that I’ll to update offline as well.

    Yeah, totally get your peacemaker feeling. But it can be so frustrating at times right?

    1. theresaly520 says:

      I’ve been in your shoes before and understand the frustration! πŸ™‚ Expressing emotions can be totally difficult especially when you feel like you’re not in the right environment to do so! Some people may not be receptive or understand your experiences. That’s why I enjoy writing in journals so much. I write whatever I feel. Yet, I can’t tell you how better my siblings and I felt after we expressed some tough feelings and aired out our thoughts. It wasn’t easy though.

      People come in different shapes and sizes. I studied enneagram charts, psychology/personality articles, and various other things to better understand the people around me and myself. I can improve upon my weaknesses and develop my strengths. I loved reading literature as well because I learned so much about human nature.

      I understand that these books aren’t always for everyone. Sometimes, a formulaic read isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Even for me, there were some sections where I was like…mmm meh…and others that I found highly useful.

      Definitely looking forward to your response on what conversations mean to you! πŸ˜€

      1. Sana says:

        It’s good to that this frustration can be taken out. Thank God. I get so worried sometimes that I may never be able to change. I try to write but writing also seems so hard Sa. But I adore reading, it’s like an escape into somebody else’s life. So relaxing to be someplace else. Movies and TV shows do that to me too. πŸ™‚
        I just hope me and my siblings get to the other side as well.

        I’m beginning to understand myself I guess. Or at least trying to. In fact WordPress is such a medium where we can actually put out everything we feel. I mean I feel so light just by knowing that someone was like me earlier and they found a way to express themselves. I can’t even explaining how comforting that is.

        I may take a bit more time for this, but I’ll surely post it.

        Thank you so much again. πŸ™‚

  6. Winnie says:

    I also enjoyed reading your post about the conversation. My father had a hard time dealing with his anger. It made me realize to always pause and think. Painful words are said when angry.

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thanks Winnie! I agree; people can say things they regret when they are angry. I can understand why breathing deeply, being mindful, and meditation is so important in our lives. It helps keep us calm so that we cut through the darkness and see clearly. πŸ™‚

  7. Lwbut says:

    Great post! πŸ™‚

    Being an only child meant i never had to do much peacemaking in the family, but neither was there really anyone to talk over any ‘serious’ issues with so i pretty much dealt with things in my own way.

    You learn a few things as you get older thought πŸ˜‰

    As for the Marquis de Sade’s quote: It rather depends upon the type of lubricant you use! πŸ˜‰ Many people use alcohol as a lubricant (for CONVERSATIONS!!), particularly ones involving members of the Opposite sex to free their inhibitions and expression of emotion, and to help the words come out. I would strongly advise against it for Crucial Conversations! πŸ™‚

    P.S The introvert me appreciates not being selected as a Nominee. πŸ˜€

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Lol, 🀣That’s an issue with quotes! I always wonder what the context was. What else did the author try to convey when he/she said them?

      I agree though! Alcohol is definitely not recommended for these sort of coversations. It requires more sober attention!

      P.S. I try to keep that in mind! ☺ You can always turn it down too if it ever came up! I have many introverted friends who would be relieved too! 🀣

      1. Lwbut says:

        Thanks! πŸ™‚

        I like the double use of ‘sober’ πŸ˜‰

  8. iScriblr says:

    Absolutely brilliant!πŸ™Œ

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thanks Richa! It can be a difficult topic, but I enjoyed writing about it!β˜ΊπŸ€—

      1. iScriblr says:

        You did great!❀

  9. Good evening Sa, l have just nominated you for a Liebster Award πŸ™‚

    https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2018/11/14/liebster-award-nomination-11/

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Oh! Thank you Rory! I recently did a post, but I think I will have a lot of fun answering to new Q&A and add more random facts!πŸ˜ƒ

  10. MNL says:

    I enjoyed reading this lot — your interaction with your brother and parents, the healing of careful listening and how later your further education added perspective to what you already knew/learned through your own experiences. Lovely.

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thank you! I enjoyed writing it up and blogging the experience. Reflections are great for me.

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