#Haibun: The Move


The Move

Rain is glistening
Arrive in town by twilight
The day exhausts me

I lower the ramp of the moving van into the puddle of water. I begin to carry my things into my new bedroom. Cardboard boxes suddenly became bricks forming a series of walls around me. A symbol of what seems to promise me so much betrays me. I feel claustrophobic as they seem to close in on me. I attempt to unpack my belongings to alleviate this feeling, but my eyelids begin to twitch. I crave sleep, but my stomach begins to growl. It seems like I’m hungry too. I crawl out of the cardboard fortress that haunts me.

Roommates lock the doors
Filling the red tea kettle
Place it on the stove

I take some perishables out of a cooler. I crack an egg and drizzle it over aΒ package of shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles in a bowl. I cut some green onion and sprinkle it on top of the egg. I open up a box of chamomile tea and place a tea bag in one of my favorite mugs.

Tea kettle whistles
Pouring the boiling water
in the bowl and mug

I place the bowl and mug on a serving tray, and carry it inside my cardboard castle. The steam flushes my face as I wait patiently for it to cool down. After a few minutes, I begin to relish the meal at last. When I finish, I shower and brush my teeth. My roommates give me a tight hug and wish me good night. I drop onto the mattress cuddling with a gift that a friend has given me. A beanie baby of a sweet lamb looks back at me promising me better days ahead. Finally, I’m able to close my eyes.

Warm embrace comforts
Acclimate to a new town
Create a new home


28 Comments Add yours

  1. Lwbut says:

    Very Good! πŸ™‚

    I am however, a nit-picky pedant and notice almost any error no matter how small….

    There’s a missing syllable in the middle line of the third Haiku 😦
    (Pouring, perhaps?) πŸ˜‰

    1. theresaly520 says:

      LolπŸ˜‚first time doing a haibun. Learning lots of poetry this month. I think it’s dependent on how you pronounce boiling

    2. theresaly520 says:

      This is fascinating for me because linguistically Australians might actually pronounce boiling differently!πŸ˜‰ i wonder what Colleen might say and the Canadians

    3. theresaly520 says:

      Ok! Did some research and you’re right! Boiling is two syllables instead of three. Wow!🀣 learned something new!

      1. Lwbut says:

        I guess in some accents (US, Aus and UK) they say boy-i-ling/boy-il-ing?? πŸ˜‰
        I never noticed that before either! πŸ™‚

        Have you heard of Tracy Austin, the tennis pro and commentator? She makes ‘error’ into one syllable! – errrr ! πŸ˜‰

        1. theresaly520 says:

          Right! I say boy-il-ling. This raises a lot of questions for me. Are Haikus based on formalities in pronunciation or how we naturally talk? lol, Tracy Austin sounds like a pirate. I think I’m just as guilty of slurring my vowels together. πŸ™‚

          1. Lwbut says:

            Being Japanese i’m guessing they’re based on formalities! Very precise and structured people the Japanese, πŸ™‚

            1. theresaly520 says:

              Good to note! I’m guessing high standards as well. My family appreciates the Japanese very much. There’s a lot of inspiration there whether it’s the barber scissors, vehicles, anime/ manga we purchase, the poetry we create, or the nature we are in awe of… πŸ™‚

            2. Lwbut says:

              Definitely high standards! They certainly have given us much to admire: in Art, Philosphy, Craft, Poetry, Self-discipline, Horticulture and Mechanics/Electronics. to name but a few πŸ™‚

              I love them above all for creating my Nikon! πŸ˜‰

            3. theresaly520 says:

              Oh yes! We wouldn’t have your beautiful poppy photos otherwise! ❀ πŸ™‚

  2. Wow! This is fabulous. I love how you called it flashback poetry. Well done. ❀

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thank you Colleen! It was fun to participate and learn how to create a haibun! πŸ™‚

      1. Glad you had fun. That’s what matters. ❀

  3. And don’t worry if you pronounce words differently and the syllable count changes. I’ve left it up to each poet and their particular dialect. ❀

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thanks! Syllable counts are not something that I want to keep me up at night. πŸ˜‰ I did learn a lot from the experience though!

      1. I give you a link to a tool that does all that for you: https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllable_counter/. Don’t stress, just have. The syllable count makes the poem special. πŸ˜€

        1. theresaly520 says:

          Thank you! Great tool for future poems! πŸ™‚

          1. You’re welcome. ❀

  4. I love how the story emerged like a butterfly into a promise of hope and new beginnings.πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ˜Š

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Aw shucks! Thank you! My former boss once told me I was like a butterfly who needed to give a chance for her wings to shine and fly off to new opportunities. Even though this move happened a few years ago, I loved that this poetry style allowed me to write the experience as if it happened today. I’ve grown so much since then! πŸ™‚

      1. It’s always nice to look back and reflect on home much we’ve grown.❀️😊

        1. theresaly520 says:

          That’s why your flashback Fridays are so much fun! I’m almost done with my catchy phrases!πŸ™„πŸ˜Š

          1. I look forward to reading them!😁

  5. MNL says:

    I enjoyed reading the haibun and the discussion afterwards too on syllable counts, haiku and language. In Japan, the language is constructed on a consonant-vowel pairing for each syllable so syllable count is easier than in English which is a mish-mash of a bunch of different languages migrating into the mass. USA is so big there are regional differences in pronunciation too. So often I end up the dictionary to see what they give the count at — however some words, the dictionaries give two different pronunciations changing the syllable count depending on how you say it. Soooo. I’m going to weigh in at “do what works for you”. At least you’re counting! Some people aren’t even checking the syllable count — just anything with short sentences and three lines are counting as haiku to them and syllable count doesn’t matter. I’m a traditionalist. I’m sticking to 5-7-5.

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thanks for your feedback here! I think we discuss the various dialects in the United States alone in one of my linguistics classes. Very interesting for me to study! Yes, I’d imagine writing haikus in Japanese is a much different experience! hm.. I didn’t realize people do free-style haikus! I wouldn’t really call them haikus then.

  6. loristory says:

    I love this Haibun. I felt the loneliness within the cardboard castle and then the warmth of the tea and ramen sort of melted it away. I’m moving soon, so I could relate! Sometimes our hopes aren’t realized right away. Transition is a process.

    1. theresaly520 says:

      Thank you, you succinctly described my feelings. Good luck with your move! It’s definitely a lesson in patience for me. 😊

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